There’s no more crime – it’s like meteors, we just film more of them

I HEARD this week that the Norwegian night sky was lit up brightly by a meteorite and as I like that kind of thing I went online to see if there were any footage.

There was a problem right away, because it was like looking for a needle in a haystack.

There are many recordings of meteors online, but that doesn't mean they're more common


There are many recordings of meteors online, but that doesn’t mean they’re more commonPhoto credit: Getty – Contributor

YouTube is crammed with footage of meteors lighting up the sky over Norway. And Chile. And New Zealand. And Japan. And Russia. And even Gloucestershire.

I then checked the data and found that all of this footage had been taken in the last THREE YEARS. Which worried me.

When I was a kid we never had meteorites. Whereas now there seems to be a new one every few weeks.

So what’s up? Are we being attacked?

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Well I’ve done some checks and it seems that Earth is hit by about 100 tons of space debris every day.

And has been since the beginning of time.

The difference is that nowadays this bombardment is caught on film because we all have cameras in our pockets.

And our cars have dash cams. Even our doorbells are set to record every coming and going.

Basically, we are now simply seeing what has been going on for billions of years.

And so it is with crime in London. . .

I’ve been monitoring social media for the last few months and it seems that every single person in the capital is mugged every 15 minutes or so.

Also, every day, every Apple store is robbed, every jeweler’s window is broken on the hour, and the police can’t do anything about it because they’re all standing with their hands in their pockets, watching eco-girls pink hair who’ve decided to sit in the middle of the street.

So London looks like a lawless hell hole.

But is it? Or are we now seeing all these crimes like meteorites for the first time?

Likewise cats. Have they been falling off furniture recently, or have they been doing so for years, unnoticed?

And driver. Did we suddenly start crashing into things, or is it just that all of our mistakes are now being caught on camera?

It’s weird, but because we film everything and everything we film ends up on the internet, we’ve all gone insane.

We all think that we will be mugged while having a car accident caused when someone’s cat fell off a piano after being hit in the head by a huge meteorite.

Wail for Wales

As an Englishman, I find it hard to feel sorry for the Welsh.

But after yesterday I do. I really do.

So here’s some sympathy in your own language: Pam roedd amser anafiadau mor hir?

I know useful things

If you remember the old days, before the Extinction Rebellion, Just Stop Oil People and End Private Jets Brigade protests, the streets used to be blocked by people who wanted free attic insulation.

Well, this week the government gave way and announced that middle-income households can get grants of up to £15,000 to make their homes more energy efficient.

Wool can be used for insulation and is very cheap


Wool can be used for insulation and is very cheapRecognition:

Ministers say the figure must be so high because attic insulation can cost up to £1,100 and cavity wall insulation more than double.

However, as usual, they are wrong.

I recently built a house and would you like to guess how much my wall insulation cost?

Approximately £2.75. And that’s because I used the shavings from my sheep.
What is called wool.

Wool absorbs odors, harmful chemicals, noise and moisture better than synthetic fibers.

It also keeps you warmer better.

And quite apart from the massive savings, you’d be doing the country’s sheep farmers a favor.

post break

Oh no. The postman is on strike.

How am I supposed to deal with it when I can’t get the bills, the fines, the speeding tickets, the enforcement orders, and all that other annoying nonsense that falls in my mailbox every morning?

water load of idiocy

Scientists have been saying for years that we should drink eight glasses of water every day.

And now they’ve admitted they were wrong. Damn right they have.

I’ve never had a glass of water in my life because why would you when there’s usually a beer in the fridge?

Meg loses shine

MEGHAN MARKLE said something this week. I don’t know what it was and I don’t care.

But I hope she keeps saying things because eventually everyone will get tired of her and stop listening.

Global Cooling

Leonard Nimoy once warned the world of another Ice Age


Leonard Nimoy once warned the world of another Ice AgePhoto credit: Getty – Contributor

THIS week someone showed me an amazing video of actor Leonard Nimoy, best known as Mr. Spock from Star Trek.

Taken in 1978, he said that temperatures in the Arctic have dropped dramatically over the past 30 years and that in his grandchildren’s lifetime, perpetual snow and darkness could turn most habitable parts of our planet into a polar desert.

Yes, the Science Officer of the Starship Enterprise has told us that the world is cooling.

And that scientists agreed that a new ice age was coming.

Believable? Well, yeah, until you realize that back then, Hollywood stars could be talked into saying just about anything if the check was big enough.

For example, Telly Savalas, who played TV detective Kojak, once made a promotional video about Birmingham calling it “my city”.

Yes, exactly. So how come you didn’t appear in the five-minute clip?

I skip a spine ‘n’ dine

Unlike the rest of the world, which has bears and venomous spiders and wolves, Britain is about as dangerous as Theresa May’s knickers.

But not anymore. Because a woman walking on a beach in Cornwall found a puffer fish.

A puffer is best avoided, although some consider it a delicacy


A puffer is best avoided, although some consider it a delicacyPhoto credit: Getty

Don’t step on it as it contains a poison 1,200 times more deadly than cyanide.

And there’s enough in each fish to kill 30 adults stone dead. And there is no known antidote.

But what always amazes me most about this fish is that it is considered a delicacy in Japan.

You shouldn’t even touch the damn things, but they devour them.

And what happens? Well, between 2000 and 2012, 23 people went home after their puffer fish dinner and died.


SOMEONE called Sara Cox’s Radio 2 show this week and after requesting Queen’s “Don’t Stop Me Now” said: “Matt Hancock’s ac***.”

I was amazed at that because, think about it. . . he had decided to make a prank call.

He’d found the number and was put through by the switchboard, so he was now on the air live.

Broadcasting to millions, he could have said he was General Pinochet or Bjorn Borg’s love child.

Or that Spam was a Russian conspiracy to destabilize the Bank of England.

Or that Sara Cox kicked his dog. He could have said anything.

But what this man did instead was compare I’m A Celebrity contestant Matt Hancock to a woman’s role.

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It was not funny. It wasn’t smart.

And while that might have been true just a few weeks ago, most people today think that’s actually not the case. There’s no more crime – it’s like meteors, we just film more of them


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