Therapy talks disturb my “coping mechanism” – what happened to speaking in simple, direct language?
At the risk of sounding like my parents, I now spend much of my time wondering what the heck is going to happen with this world.
I accept that change is inevitable – it’s the only constant in life – but there is something that has been wearing me down and driving me a little insane for a while. That’s how we talk.
There’s a language on the rise that we all seem to be adopting. It is “therapy language”.
About a year ago I heard someone say to their partner that they wished they would “give them space” and I felt like I was in a foreign land.
Turns out it just means focusing on someone by feeling their feelings. Or support someone with old money.
There are a million of these expressions that have their roots in one therapy or another, and we struggled to adopt these expressions when we discovered self-care.
I am a big believer in therapy – psychotherapy has helped me a lot.
But could it be that the pendulum is now swinging too much the other way?
We focus so much on ourselves and our needs, often to the exclusion of others, and we adapt new terminology because we all enjoy being chair therapists.
I heard from a friend who tried to end a friendship with another, saying he could no longer “honor” that person’s needs.
They didn’t have the “emotional space” for their boyfriend, and they did so because they “acted in accordance with what feels right in the context of their lives.”
I ask for your pudding!
It sounded more like some sort of resignation letter from HR. Or Human Resources, as we have to call it now.
Similarly, we learn from an observer and follower of psycho-babble that Meghan Markle is not attending King Charles’ coronation because “Meghan is wielding the power of ‘no’ from a place of self-esteem.”
And that’s when I thought she was staying in LA because it was her son’s fourth birthday.
What happened to the simple, direct and empathetic language?
Why has it now become impossible to tell someone that you just don’t believe that friendship really goes anywhere and I wish you the best of luck with your life?
We’ve all become so accustomed to phrases like “coping mechanisms,” “centering ourselves,” “being present,” “sitting with our discomfort,” “projecting,” and “setting boundaries” that we’re seriously concerned with danger, these Losing the most basic human connection – simple communication.
scared to be honest
I can’t be the only one who finds a lot of these sayings, well, triggering.
I have to admit that I use them from time to time because they seem to be the only expressions people understand now.
In my defense I preface it: “I hate that word, but . . . ‘ because it feels so presumptuous, arrogant, and self-absorbed.
It implies that you are way ahead of anyone else when it comes to knowing the situation, so you will show off and use these new terms to show it.
Communicating and opening up to someone has now become a strange, meticulously written language.
We all consider ourselves licensed armchair psychologists, and I feel, for one, that much of this therapy talk has become a selfish, one-sided observation that the other person kind of ignores: “I’m saying this, so it must be true. ”
Another triggering term is “gaslighting”. Given the right circumstances, it is the only definition of one person’s horrific, abusive, and coercive behavior toward another.
But these days, I hear it regularly and casually getting around when it just might be someone saying something you don’t agree with.
We also use “trauma” a lot. And no, of course it shouldn’t just be reserved for those who have been in a war zone and suffered physical abuse.
But we have to be careful where we use the word.
In many cases we are all just looking for attention. We want to be “seen” and, God help me, “validated”.
I see no reason why we can’t still achieve this and use normal, plain, plain language.
It’s like people are so scared of being honest and direct that they have to run around with non-offensive, neutral expressions that cover all the bases but leave many of us stumped.
With many young people now turning to social media influencers – especially TikTok – to diagnose mental illness rather than seek professional help AND learn all those therapy sessions, we run the very real risk that people will end up not know how to speak in simplified language that everyone understands.
And that means I’ll probably have to go to night school to learn what it all means.
To be honest, that’s not the kind of conflict resolution I’m looking for because it makes me feel unseen and unheard, and my inner child will then really struggle with that kind of coping mechanism.
Vape is not a grown-up escape
In a bid to make us a smoke-free nation by 2030, the government plans to offer vaping ‘starter kits’ to every fifth smoker at a cost of around £45million over a couple of years.
I’m not a scientist, but it sounds like madness to me.
We are effectively asking people to trade one addiction for another, and while vaping is safer than smoking, the truth is that the underlying health risks are largely unknown.
Vapes still contain addictive toxins, as users inhale nicotine as a vapor rather than smoke, and it just can’t be true that they’re as innocent as marketing has led us to believe since their inception.
I understand that quitting smoking can be incredibly difficult, especially for those who have committed to the habit for decades.
But because of the relative “unknowns” surrounding vaping’s side effects and colorful branding and sweet candy flavors, we have a massive problem with their appeal to young people.
Children don’t see them as anything worse than chewing gum.
Although it is illegal to sell e-cigarettes to under-18s, almost 10 per cent of 11-15 year olds are using them in 2021, according to figures released by the NHS.
No wonder schools are struggling to stop students from vaping in class, at recess or on the bog.
Some have taken it upon themselves to install steam detectors in the toilet blocks.
So while the government will replace cigarettes with e-cigarettes for some adults, they are also forced to announce a crackdown on minors and illegal e-cigarette sales to children because the situation has gotten so bad.
In other words, we’re normalizing vaping for adults, who we know many kids look up to and emulate, while also telling kids that they absolutely shouldn’t be vaping.
Surely a simpler approach would be to tell everyone it’s a terrible idea?
Taylor needs a real game
TAYLOR SWIFT has split from British actor Beau Joe Alwyn after six years together.
While the official line is that they split due to “personal differences,” some claim that Joe preferred to keep his personal life out of the spotlight, which must have been difficult when you’re dating one of the best-selling musicians in history go out .
This woman has sold more than 200 million records worldwide and has received more than 500 awards.
I would argue that Taylor is in the driver’s seat and certainly doesn’t have to settle.
In fact, I’m sure she would urge all her fans not to settle for less than they deserve.
We seem to find it much easier to ask ourselves what’s wrong with the woman in a relationship when she can’t, won’t, or doesn’t want to settle down.
We have a kind of unconscious preoccupation with seeing women settle down at a certain age or after a certain number of boyfriends.
If she doesn’t conform to this societal norm of finding a good man and having a home, the problem is hers.
I think we need to turn that around and question the problem that men have with successful women.
Perhaps it goes back to the days of hunter-gatherers, and how men feel emasculated and inferior in the presence of a woman who can do it herself.
Whatever the reason for Taylor and Joe’s split, she’s sure to find a new man who can handle her fame, independence, and sanity. But she doesn’t have to.
Because just like Miley Cyrus, she can buy flowers.
Iconic boxes must live on
I am dismayed to hear this week that the Tupperware company is struggling to survive and may be going out of business.
There can’t be many people in this world who don’t have a cupboard in the kitchen that has to remain tightly closed at all times because of the danger of drowning in a mountain of cluttered plastic boxes?
It’s hard to imagine life without these ingenious containers, because they’ve been around for 75 years.
The first Tupperware party was held way back in 1948 and apparently sales soared during the pandemic as people were forced to stay at home and cook for themselves and presumably family and neighbours.
But in recent years, sales have plummeted.
I use them all the time and somewhere in my mum’s house in a crowded cupboard in her kitchen there’s a piece of Tupperware from Buckingham Palace.
When I was 20 years old and counted HRH Prince Edward, now the Duke of Edinburgh, among my friends, I was ill with glandular fever for many weeks at home.
He kindly came over (with his entourage of security guards) to bring me a homeopathic medicine that he hoped could help my recovery.
But most valuable was that he brought me a summer pudding in a little Tupperware container because he knew it was my favorite.
So please, folks, by all means save those little plastic tubs.