WILLIAM and Kate’s circuitous royal tour of the Caribbean could have been a roaring triumph. . . if Harry and Meg had done it instead.
If only the palace had tapped Harry’s bald spot by a factor of 50 and told Meghan she was about to play the role of her life.
This royal yacht has, of course, sailed. Harry and Megan will – disgraceful – didn’t even attend the memorial service on Tuesday for Prince Philip at Westminster Abbey.
To imagine them throwing a grueling meet-and-greet across the Commonwealth is just a crazy dream.
But see William and Kate look uncomfortable in the Caribbean was a reminder of the historic opportunity lost forever.
William and Kate did their best. But the bitter truth is that their Caribbean tour would have been a perfect performance for Harry and Meghan.
Woke yet glamorous, caring yet charismatic, her eyes gleamed with tears of sympathy Harry and Meghan had lived, multi-racial proof that the royal family is no milky-white remnant from ancient history.
William and Kate smiled from one end of the Caribbean to the other. will quote Bob Marley – twice!
You were game for a laugh shake their royal buttocks whenever the band started playing.
William expressed “deep sadness” at the slavery. They listened politely as Jamaica’s mediocre Prime Minister Andrew Holness mercilessly told them he was planning to replace the Queen as head of state.
Many locals clearly adored William and Kate. But the uncomfortable truth is that this Caribbean tour just felt a little off the mark.
The most obvious – and offensive – example was Jamaican politician Lisa Hanna, who openly humiliated the Duchess of Cambridge.
During a ceremony to welcome William and Catherine at Norman Manley International Airport in KingstonKate turned and smiled at Mrs Hannasitting next to her, and the former Miss World politician glared away, as if pretty Kate was disguised as the great sorceress of the Ku Klux Klan.
You picked up the snub in Hanna’s People’s National Party.
But it looked baseless, pathetically rude.
Hanna would not have dared to disrespect Meghan Markle so wantonly. Or indeed the Queen.
Kate and William are glorious ambassadors for this nation. Personally, I would like to see the succession skip a generation and have William sit on the throne in place of King Charles III.
but William and Kate faced an impossible task when confronted by smug, self-absorbed Caribbean politicians desperate to show how little they care about the monarchy.
Morose attack of self-pity
In any case, let’s have a mature conversation about the Crown’s relationship with the Commonwealth nations. And if Jamaica wants to follow suit Example Barbados and the removal of the Queen as head of stategood luck.
But let’s be civilized. And let’s scrap the endless demands on this country to shell out reparations for slavery.
William – modeled on Prince Charles – gave a speech on the obscenity of slavery.
Fine, but can we stop pretending that slavery only existed when European colonialists stole people from Africa? Ever heard of the Roman Empire?
When has anyone ever demanded reparations for the millions of slaves taken from African, Arab and Scandinavian nations?
How about a passing mention of how the British – and our Navy – did so much to abolish slavery?
What a shame the Duke and Duchess of Sussex are bleating in their mansion coddle their lucrative contractswhine away the Californian day when they might secure the Queen’s legacy in the Commonwealth.
When they married in Windsor on that spring day in 2018, it felt like this couple could change the world.
But in a morose fit of self-pity, Harry and Meghan threw it all away.
Now they sit surrounded by all this useless luxury, spouting their bright banalities and nurturing their resentments.
What a waste and what a missed opportunity. For them – and for us.
Russia kills its own
RUSSIAN video journalist Oksana Baulina was killed in Kyiv by Russian shelling.
Oksana is believed to have been the victim of a Russian “double tap” attack, a sadistic tactic perfected in the bloody ruins of Syria, where a target is attacked twice in quick succession – the first bomb wiping out the target, and the second kill the people who rush to help.
Oksana was a foreign correspondent in Ukraine, where her specialty was the grotesque corruption of the Russian government.
Oksana was an incredibly brave woman who sacrificed her life to tell the truth about the criminals who hijacked her homeland.
Her death is a reminder that the Russian people are not our enemy.
Time for crock ‘n’ roll
DURING the past week, a number of flushed Rolling Stones fans have been staring at me with their teary eyes, clutching their Zimmer glasses tightly, and asking, “Is it worth buying tickets to see the Stones this summer?”
I turn the dial on her hearing aids all the way to ten and say yes.
It is true that there will be no Charlie Watts. But this is the band that survived the loss of their founder, Brian Jones, who died at the age of 27.
The band that survived the loss of Mick Taylor and Bill Wyman.
Mick Jagger and Keith Richards will both turn 80 next year.
The Stones shows this summer are going to be magical. But this could really be the last time.
Not everyone can work from home
On the second anniversary of lockdown, a survey suggests the typical worker now has a hybrid work week of three days in the office and two days lounging around in their jim jams at home.
But millions just can’t work from home – plumbers, electricians, garbage men, shop assistants and delivery drivers.
Working from home is and will always be a class issue.
Only the spoiled Covid elite are happy to do that – and then whine that their service can’t be as good anywhere as it was pre-Covid.
WFH is a new way of working – not working much at all, but still getting paid for it.
Win Wimbledon, Emma – and petrol for Porsche
SOME say Emma Raducanu has more sponsors than trophies.
It’s true that Emma has only one big trophy – the US Open – but several high-end contracts with Tiffany, Dior, Evian, British Airways and most recently Porsche.
But for most casual British tennis fans, those two weeks at Wimbledon are the only tournament that matters.
When Raducanu wins Wimbledon, the sky’s the limit.
Emma, 19, might be able to afford insurance on her Porsche.
And even fill it up!
Too late for US regrets
The United States of America is outraged that the Taliban have once again closed schools for schoolgirls in Afghanistan.
But if President Biden hadn’t fled the country so desperately, girls in Afghanistan would still be getting an education.
World Poison Championship
LET’S not fool our organic fair trade briefs too much when it comes to the 2022 soccer world cup in Qatar.
The last one took place in Russia in 2018. And I vividly remember French President Emmanuel Macron dancing like a drunk crazy horse showgirl at the final.
human rights violations? Detention of dissidents? State violence at gay pride marches in Moscow?
None of that seemed to bother Macron as teenager Kylian Mbappe scored France’s fourth goal against Croatia.
We are rightly appalled that even the cities of Ukraine reduced to rubble and ash, Russia has dared to bid to host the 2028 European Football Championship.
But it’s not like we didn’t know Russia’s true nature four years ago.
This 2018 World Cup took place in Russia, just four years after the country illegally annexed Crimea.
This World Cup began less than FOUR MONTHS after Russian hitmen invaded Salisbury and poisoned Sergei and Julia Skripal with them Nerve agent Novichok – a botched assassination attempt that killed an innocent British man and sent a police officer to intensive care.
The 2018 World Cup in Russia came when we already knew Russia was a corrupt, brutal, genocidal regime that believed it could literally get away with murder.
So by all means let Harry Kane and the England boys voice their legitimate concerns about gay football fans feeling safe in Qatar.
Of course, the caring footballers of the free world are absolutely right when they express concern about human rights abuses in Qatar.
But the last World Cup was in Russia. And if a World Cup can be held in this gangster state, frankly, it can be held anywhere.
https://www.the-sun.com/news/4985336/tony-parsons-harry-meghan-caribbean/ The royal tour of the Caribbean could have been a real hit… for Harry and Meghan