I’m a sleep expert and here are 6 reasons why women have trouble falling asleep while their partner snores all night

Losing and turning around while your husband or boyfriend snores next to you is a nightmare come true.

If this sounds like a typical night for you – you’re not alone.

Is there anything worse than lying in bed listening to your partner snore all night?


Is there anything worse than lying in bed listening to your partner snore all night?Credit: Alamy

James Wilson, a trained sleep expert and co-founder of StrongIn his work, he often finds women more sleep deprived than men.

He told The Sun: “About 75% of sleep problems are waking up at night, which is more of a problem than falling asleep.”

Having struggled with insomnia, James shared: “No matter what relationship I’ve been in, waking up when your partner is sleeping is really lonely.

“You don’t want to wake them up, but you can’t move, you feel your breath is so loud.”

There are many possible reasons why women in particular may struggle with sleepless nights.

Research tends to show that Women sleep more hours than men, but their sleep is often more disturbed.

It is left to them poor sleep quality – the key to feeling rested – thus making women more likely to sleep more the next night.

“But there’s not a lot of research on women and sleep in general,” says James — most of the research available has focused on men.

So what keeps women up at night? James explains:

1. Personality conflicts when sleeping

Whether you’re a night owl or a morning nightingale, research shows that everyone has a fixed bedtime and wake-up time so they feel most rested.

“We all have sleep patterns – birds and owls,” says James. It could be that you and your partner are complete opposites.

“Often couples go to bed based on one’s natural bedtime, and that can really take a toll on the other.

“It might make you wonder why you can’t fall asleep, but that’s not who you are – it’s that you don’t match your natural rhythms.”

James says women may sleep in a way that doesn’t work for them if their partner encourages them to go to bed at the same time as them.

“I often think there’s an issue around sleep patterns that don’t fit the woman in her relationship,” says James.

“It is important to have a compassionate conversation about bedtime.”

2. Hormones

Women face a roller coaster of hormones throughout their lives.

Each month, the menstrual cycle causes changes in hormone levels that can affect sleep.

“During the menstrual cycle, a drop in the hormone progesterone can affect sleep,” says James.

Progesterone affects the body’s ability to control body temperature, which is key to falling asleep.

Most women find their sleep is worse three to six days before their period, due to hormonal changes, or PMS symptoms such as cramps.

Pregnancy can also cause erratic sleep patterns as well as menopause.

James says women going through menopause can have trouble sleeping due to reduced estrogen levels, symptoms of which include hot flashes and night sweats.

These can “lead to increased production of stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline, which directly impact the body’s ability to produce melatonin, the hormone that helps us sleep”.

3. Your work

Sleep habits are part genetics, part lifestyle – such as diet, work and stress.

James says some types of work can lead to more sleep deprivation than others.

“Often the people who are ‘problem solvers’ are the ones who sleep less.

“That could be the suggestion that people who multitask or solve problems can’t turn off their brains.”

The inability to stop your brain from spinning at night can make it harder to fall asleep while your partner is in a dream.

Studies have also shown that working longer hours can lead to less sleep due to stress.

4. Inbuilt alarm system

Parents, this is for you.

As a mother or father, biologically the body becomes sensitive to any danger that could harm your baby.

This also works at bedtime, says James: “Your hearing is the last thing to turn off when you fall asleep, and the first thing to turn on when you wake up.

“It’s part of our defense mechanism and part of raising kids.

“We’re not eaten by saber-toothed tigers anymore – but when we do, our hearing is really important to know we’re safe.”

The women’s warning systems start to go into protective mode almost “from the moment they conceive,” says James.

“It gives you more of an advantage when you are subconsciously listening,” he explains.

Waking up when a baby cries is the most obvious sign of discontent.

“When you look into those dim eyes, your body hormones help wake you up,” says James.

“So the baby can go on to sleep, but the mother struggles with that.”

5. At infancy, EVERYTHING

James says that mothers often take on the role of taking care of their children’s sleep.

But this habit of staying up all night could stick with them forever.

James says waking a baby “can throw you off the hook, so even if they become a toddler and sleep better, mom can still get into that habit.”

When mothers react to their babies, their hormones wake them up, and then they may struggle to go back to sleep.


When mothers react to their babies, their hormones wake them up, and then they may struggle to go back to sleep.Credit: Getty – Contributor

He adds: “It can last because it’s a learned behavior – your body gets used to it.”

The odd sleep pattern can be reinforced if you have more than one child in a few years.

“If your kid is 18 but you have a nine-year-old in the house, it can cost you a few years of sleep as your body has been trained to have a behavior that causes poor quality,” says James. than. .

“I have clients who are 12 years old and still can’t sleep well, and 65-year-old women who haven’t had a good night’s sleep since their baby was born.”

6. Feeling insecure

James says that sleep is largely related to emotions and a sense of emotional stability.

“Emotional security can be many different things; Did you go to bed during an argument? Are you in a relationship where you are happy?

“I work with a lot of people, it’s a sleep problem, but it manifests in a relationship problem.

“Sleep is an intimate thing, you feel vulnerable while sleeping. If you feel unloved, underestimated, or don’t want to be in that relationship, that will affect your sleep. “

Similarly, if your relationship is happy but your partner is away overnight, it can leave you feeling lonely and unable to sleep.

“If you’re working a shift and your partner isn’t there, it can affect sleep if you feel like they’re missing or vulnerable.

“We recommend using your partner’s scent, such as after shave, for reassurance. Smells are very strong for emotional connection”.

4 myths about improving sleep

So how can you get a better night’s sleep?

James says there are some myths about the best ways to attract more people.

  1. Scrollable

One of them is logging out of social media, a sinful hobby for millions of people before bedtime.

Experts say cell phones and tablets do nothing to improve our sleep because they emit blue light.

But James says: “We’ve seen devices as the enemy of sleep, but that’s not true – we had sleep problems before 2006.

“The thing to understand is a drop in heart rate. If scrolling on social media helps you get your heart rate down, that’s what you need.

“Sometimes you need a little social connection, that’s what social media gives you.”

The same goes for watching TV: “Sometimes, if your job is hard on your brain, crap like reality TV really helps.”

To avoid unconsciously scrolling or watching TV at night, try to make time for it in the evening.

“Give yourself more space to relax. It’s about building time to ‘think’ earlier in the evening. “

2. Avoid sleep trackers

Sleep-tracking apps and tools have become a cheap and easy way to keep an eye on your eyes shut to try and control it.

But James avoids them: “If I were to speak generally, I would say that they make good sleepers sleep better, and bad sleepers worse.

“For poor sleepers, they’re confirming something they already know – that they’re not getting enough sleep.”

3. Forget “eight o’clock”

James calls the eight-hour goal a “legend” because many people feel fine after six or seven hours.

But worrying about more made their sleep worse.

“The best way to tell is how you feel at 10 or 11 a.m.,” says James. “That’s when your body clock is at its strongest.

“So if you’re feeling sober at the time, that’s fine. If you feel quite drowsy and lethargic then that’s a minor issue.”

4. Think about “work”

We’ve all heard the saying “don’t drink caffeine after lunch” and “don’t use your phone before bed”.

James says that “don’t” oversleep doesn’t help people because it makes people nervous. This causes them to sleep less during an indirect stress cycle.

Instead, James says, “It’s the right thing to do – lower your heart rate, lower your body temperature, have a consistent wake-up time, understand your sleep time and the sleep you need.

“If you get those things right in your head, sleep becomes easier because you relax about it and you understand yourself. When you understand yourself, you will understand it better.

“Sleep is like mental health – there is no magic pill, it comes from understanding and then applying basic tools.

“And when you make a mistake, don’t beat yourself up.

“If you have a cup of coffee in the afternoon, then wake up in the early morning, deal with it and don’t beat yourself up.”

TikToker shows how you can fall asleep in just TWO minutes using the ‘military method’ I’m a sleep expert and here are 6 reasons why women have trouble falling asleep while their partner snores all night


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