I’m a sex expert – here are 8 warning signs of problems in your sex life

Keeping sexual passion alive in a relationship is no easy task.

A good sex life isn’t just about how often you do it, but how satisfying it is.

Tracey Cox reveals the signs your sex life is in the dumps


Tracey Cox reveals the signs your sex life is in the dumpsPhoto credit: Getty

That’s thanks to Tracey Cox, relationship expert and author.

You and your partner may know everything about each other.

But when it comes to sex, how open are you to what turns you on (and off)?

Communication is the cornerstone of a vibrant sex life, says Tracey.

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Also important are “treats”, masturbation and initiation.

Speaking to MailOnline, Tracey reveals your sex life could get in trouble if…

Sex feels like a chore

Tracey says it’s normal to occasionally view sex as a chore or just do it to please your partner.

“What I’m talking about here is something different: it feels tired at the prospect of ALL the sex sessions,” she says.

“Seeing it as something to tick off the to-do list rather than as a source of enjoyment and connection.”

She says that stress and lack of sleep are usually the two factors that drive disinterest in sex.

“Too much of one, too little of the other,” she says.

“Routine sex is the other big problem: predictability is a pleasure killer.”

you don’t masturbate

Those who don’t masturbate are missing out on “crucial” information, Tracey says.

“It’s how we learn what excites us and what technique works to bring us to climax,” she says.

“Having regular orgasms reminds us how good sex feels and makes us more likely to seek out sex with our partners.

“Physically, orgasms are good for you because they increase blood flow, improve circulatory and heart health, reduce stress, and promote well-being.”

She says people should aim to masturbate at least once a week.

But while statistics show that men typically do this 2-3 times a week, women only do it once a week or less.

You haven’t figured out what you like yet

How can you get the best out of your partner when you don’t even know what you want?

Tracey says, “You have to know what you want to ask for it.”

Once you and your partner know more about what you both like, the sex will be all the better.

She says: “If you don’t know what technique suits you, what pressure and speed, where it feels best and when it suits you, your chances of having great sex for a lifetime are extremely slim.

“Think about what excites you. Are you watching or reading something sexy? Is there a fantasy running in your head? Do you see your partner undressed or naked?

“What part of sex do you like the most? be petted? oral sex? use sex toys? Dress up and arouse your partner? how do you have most of your orgasms What’s the most reliable way to reach orgasm?

“Once you figure all that out, tell your partner.”

Your partner is a taker

Are you a giver or a taker?

Whatever you are — and Tracey says there’s no such thing as a perfect balance — you can find yourself struggling in your sex life.

“When you feel like you’re doing all the work during sex and your partner is just sitting back and taking it, resentment sets in,” says Tracey.

“If your partner rarely returns the favor by pleasuring you and it’s something you want from them, speak up.”

Blaming your partner for being lazy or being a taker won’t get you anywhere.

Tracey says, “To tactfully point out that the balance is uneven is going to. (“I love our sex, but lately I feel like I’m the one doing all the trouble. Can we switch roles and I can sit back and enjoy next time?”)”

A person always initiates

If your sex life is in the dumps, consider whoever initiates sex.

Tracey says, “If sex isn’t happening unless you suggest it, your partner is sending a clear message: I don’t really enjoy having sex with you and I’m only doing it to please you.

“That’s why one of the most important things you can do to improve your sex life is to initiate sex more often.

“Not only will it make your partner happy to be the one to say, ‘Hey, how about it?’ makes you feel sexy and more powerful.

“Shifting the power dynamic from ‘hunted’ to ‘chaser’ increases confidence and libido.”

You plan no sexual goodies

It’s something you’ve heard before – buy a new sex toy, weekend getaway, or lingerie set.

But how often do you do that?

Tracey says, “Sexual treats are things you do together to celebrate sex.

“Make it an event. A way to show each other that sex is something you appreciate and look forward to.

“Maybe you’re watching a movie or TV show with sex scenes that you know you’re both going to enjoy. Try something you’ve always wanted. Take a bath with a glass of champagne before heading to bed for a leisurely sex session.”

Tracey recommended a “sex treat” every month or at least every two months.

They “Never Warm Up”

Without warming up before sex, you probably won’t enjoy it as much, Tracey says.

We imagine “warming up” as the role of our partner. But Tracey says if you wait for it, take the initiative to do it yourself or it might never happen.

“That might mean going into the bathroom with your phone and a vibrator for a while. It could mean taking a bath and fantasizing,” she says.

“Do whatever works for you to start sex ‘warm’ rather than ‘cold’ — you’ll be far more likely to enjoy it and climax if you do that.”

You don’t talk about sex

Tracey finishes her top tip.

She says, “It’s impossible to have a great sex life without good communication.”

“Being able to talk openly about what you like and don’t like in bed, discuss any changes you’re experiencing and how sex feels for you right now, without embarrassment or fear of judgment , is crucial,” says Tracey.

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“It’s never too late to talk about sex and it’s easy to start the conversation.

“Wait until you’re comfortable talking and then say, ‘Have you noticed that we never talk about sex? I read an article that said all couples should do it. Shall we try it? It could be fun/interesting.” I’m a sex expert – here are 8 warning signs of problems in your sex life


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