I feel every cut and tear when my C-section fails

ANNA Doggart knew she would be obsessed with her son from the moment he was born.

But she did not expect to be able to watch him sleep all night, so scared that she stopped breathing.

Anna Doggart was diagnosed with PTSD after giving birth to her son, Reynard Fox


Anna Doggart was diagnosed with PTSD after giving birth to her son, Reynard FoxCredit: Provided
Anna and her partner, Nathan Fox, and their baby Reynard


Anna and her partner, Nathan Fox, and their baby ReynardCredit: Provided

The 25-year-old had Reynard Fox in February 2021, and for the first two months of his life, every 5 to 10 minutes, she would get up to check if he was breathing in the crib. , sometimes wake him up to check if he’s alive or not. .

From two weeks old, Anna attached a breathing monitor to Reynard’s diaper, which lit up with each breath he took.

She only recently stopped using the device, but still relies on a camera she installed in the boy’s room at 4 months old to “start at him all night” on the screen.

Every parent is protective of their newborn, but for Anna it was an experience reinforced by a diagnosis of PTSD, due to birth trauma.

Known as ‘birth trauma’, this is a condition thought to affect 30,000 new mothers each year.

It worries her so much that she has to be with her son around the clock, fearing that he will die without her there.

Anna was unable to return to her job at a fast-food chain or trust others – including daycare or relatives – to take care of her child.

Most read in Mental Health

Anna, who lives in Nottingham, told The Sun: “I am very worried for my son.

“I ended up getting this breathing monitor at night because I was so scared something was going to happen.

“I have recovered from OCD since having him. Everything must be clean.

“In my mind, I was worried his bottle wasn’t clean and he would get sick and be hospitalized.

“I hate taking him out, so my partner will shop.

“It’s so busy now and now you don’t have social distance anymore.

“I just didn’t want people to come near us because I was really nervous and had a panic attack.

“I was afraid that if I took my eyes off the cart, someone would take him away.

“I went to mom’s groups but I just stayed away on the other side of the room. I know I look crazy, but I’m afraid he’ll get sick and die.

“If he gets sick, I fear social services will take him away because I am not a good mother.

“Without him, I was very scared.

“I was terrified when I gave him solids and started eating solid foods in case he choked.”

Difficult birth

Anna and her partner Nathan Fox, who have been together for three years, found out they were looking forward to May 2020.

Anna said she was worried throughout her pregnancy because she had previously had two miscarriages.

She was induced at 39 weeks because doctors were concerned about the baby’s lack of movement.

Anna recalls: “I went into labor for 14 hours with no relief.

“In the end I was given diamorphine to ease my pain a bit.”

After another two hours, the doctors admitted Anna was in labor for too long and they needed an urgent C-section to get the baby out.

She said: ‘I was blown away when the doctors came to talk to me, I was on morphine and hadn’t slept for three nights.

“I don’t remember much of what they said, I just signed a piece of paper and rushed into the theater.”

The first time I went to the stores where people were too close for my liking. I had this big panic attack, picked him up and just ran to the car, hugged him and cried


At first, the local anesthetic didn’t work and Anna could feel the C-section incision being made.

She said: “As soon as they cut me, I groaned in pain.

“I just remember writhing and thinking it was so painful. I could feel every cut and tear.”

When the doctors realized Anna was aware of the pain, before they opened her uterus, they advised her to undergo general anesthesia.

“They insisted, but I didn’t want to. Anyway, I agree because I understand it’s the best thing for him and me [Reynard]”Anna said now.

“But I hate being put under house arrest and my other half being forced out of the room.”

In Part C, Anna lost a pint and a half of blood and had a collapsed lung.

It wasn’t until two to three hours before Anna saw her son, she was confused and “not herself” because of the pain medication she was taking.

She said: “When I woke up, I immediately asked where he was, what happened.

“I just remember I was shaking violently from adrenaline. It’s this intense shaking, this whole body, so they won’t let me see him [Reynard] until that stops.

“I lost that ‘golden hour’ of skin-to-skin contact, with the best bonding time.

“I missed that, and everyone said it was the most important moment. That’s sad.

“It was our first child. People say to me: ‘Wait until you see your father’s face to see you’. But I didn’t, and that concerns me. “

When Anna met her son, she said that she “instantly fell in love with him”.

But she fears for his life, as she claims doctors casually “denied” Reynard wasn’t breathing when he was born and needed oxygen.

On top of that, Anna said: “The doctor thought he heard a heartbeat but didn’t explain to me what that meant, just that he needed to go to the ICU to check it out.”

Instant anxiety

Fortunately, Reynard was deemed healthy and able to go home, but the post-natal trauma caused his mother a headache.

“I was so nervous as soon as I got home,” Anna recalls.

“I can’t sleep, but when I have nightmares about having to have surgery, or something happening to him. I startled awake.

“The first time I went to the store with him, people were socially distanced, but still too close for my liking.

“I had this massive panic attack, picking him up and just running to the car, hugging him and crying.”

Anna – who hasn’t been able to see or get support from her family for two months due to Covid restrictions – rarely leaves her baby with others.

She said: “My mate’s parents had him for a day, which was hell for me. I kept texting them and they told me to enjoy my day, but I needed that reassurance.”

Anna continued: “My life is completely different from before. When I was on maternity leave, I went to work, met friends, went out for coffee. But I didn’t see any of my friends.

“I’m very self-aware about my mental health and know it’s not rational thinking.”

When Anna saw her GP for a six-month postpartum checkup, she said she was “broken down” and was referred immediately for PTSD treatment.

She is receiving therapy to better control her anxiety and her nightmares have improved.

Anna has attached a sleep monitor to Reynard's diaper while he sleeps to light up when he breathes. She also uses a camera


Anna has attached a sleep monitor to Reynard’s diaper while he sleeps to light up when he breathes. She also uses a cameraCredit: Provided
I had 2 kids at 21 – and people always ask if they look like their dad I feel every cut and tear when my C-section fails


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