My husband and I have been married for nine years.
When we were newlyweds, we had the luxury of running after work and hiking on weekends. We didn’t have a lot of stress.
Fast-forward to two kids, a home, careers, and a life unbalanced — and my husband has gained about 30 pounds.
I’m not judging him as I totally understand the problem of stress eating, aging and not having enough time to exercise.
I will love him no matter what.
My problem is his health. I’m terrified that he might have a heart attack or a stroke.
He’s a smart guy and he knows he needs to lose weight, but the problem is he’s not going to try.
He eats bags of cookies, brownies, and fast food. He refuses to go to the doctor because he says he needs to “lose weight first” but doesn’t bother to do so. He has not had a physical exam in more than seven years.
I can’t bring myself to tell him that he really needs to lose weight because I don’t want to make him feel any worse than I know he already is.
I suspect it’s partly an emotional issue.
There comes a point when something has to change.
How can I bring this up with him without embarrassment or judgment?
– Concern for wellness woman
Her husband knows he has an eating and weight problem. He expressed this to you, because he says that he avoids a check-up because of the dreaded scales in the doctor’s office (by the way, anyone can refuse to be weighed at the doctor’s).
Therefore, the first thing you should do is urge your husband to see his doctor and ask him not to be weighed if he is uncomfortable with the weighing.
People sometimes overeat for a variety of complicated reasons, and engaging in decoding these reasons and triggers can help one regain a sense of control. A nutritionist can help reset some of these behaviors through education and coaching. A therapist can help by talking about stress and offering coping techniques.
You could open this up as an issue if he’s willing to discuss it.
Assure him that you love him, that you have his back, and that you will give him space to make any efforts that might help him get better. If he doesn’t want to discuss it, leave the topic alone. He will get there when he is ready.
My legal first name “Jan” is a form of another common name, “Janet”.
I’ve always used my legal name and that’s what my family and friends call me. It’s the only name I’ve ever known.
There’s a woman in my town who always calls me “Janet,” even though my daughter and I have told her my real name many times.
Yesterday she called me “Janet” twice in a grocery store and I didn’t answer because my back was to her so I couldn’t see her and – hello – that’s not my name.
Then she came up to me, addressed me as “Janet” and asked me a question.
That really bothers me!
Should I remind her again or just put up with it?
– Bugged in a small town
I wonder if you have ever told this person that your name “Jan” is not short for “Janet”. She may know a Jan/Janet and reflexively resort to a name that isn’t yours.
Next time that happens, be patient: “They always call me Janet, but I’m confused because that’s not my name. My parents called me Jan. It’s not short for Janet. It’s just Jan. So you can call me “just Jan” if you want, but I really won’t answer Janet.”
If you continue to be miscalled after that, I think you should accept that as quirk and choose to greet it with a sigh.
Uncle Who Cares felt his niece should reply to her mother’s daily text messages while abroad.
Those two or three seconds it takes for the daughter to reply to her mother make all the difference in the mother being able to go about her day without the added anxiety of worrying so much about her daughter.
As a daughter who recently lost her mother, I would love to spend those few seconds making her day better if I could.
– Mourning daughter
(You can email Amy Dickinson at firstname.lastname@example.org or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
©2023 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.