In other words, Sunday night’s epic performance of “Bez On Ice” was the funnest and most entertaining thing I’ve seen this week.
But let’s get one thing straight.
Contrary to Phillip Schofield’s suggestion, this isn’t the first time they’ve sent someone “wearing a helmet” onto the ice.
For example, just a year ago they sent poor Robin Johnstone there with Rufus Hound, who had a much larger helmet.
And before that, there were similar problems with John Barrowman, Antony Cotton and Joe Swash.
Hell, it’s practically an entry requirement for Dancing On Ice.
However, we are in a slightly different territory with this year’s ITV intake, all of the people appear to be worshiping at Torvill & Dean Church, during the opening credits, where they are pictured gazing. Staring towards heaven with the famous ice dancing duo.
A pretty obvious diversionary technique to try to divert the viewer’s gaze away from the general obscurity of the 2022 contestants, I think, includes (wait for it): Olympic BMX rider Kye Whyte , bass player Connor Ball of The Vamps, son of Gazza Regan, Paralympian Stef Reid and Ria Hebden, who presumably ended their own skating destiny as she stated, “Most people are know me when it comes to all things showbiz and entertainment, on Lorraine.”
There’s no one, Ria. Even me and I don’t watch that show, as pure professionals, nearly every day.
Of course, to try to counterbalance the anonymity of Rias and Kyes, there are also a few celebrities you might recognize.
Sally Dynevor, off Coronation Street, Pussycat Kimberly Wyatt and Brendan Cole’s Serious with a dance background, Phillip and Holly always assure us, won’t help him at all.
Just as they kept assuring us that James Jordan’s back jump wouldn’t help him either, up until the point where he won the 2019 Dancing On Ice.
They know as well as I do, however, this year’s show is only about one man, Bez, from Happy Mondays, who – just to put things in context – probably spent more time resting than when Brendan Cole was alive.
His subsequent entry into the field required little fanfare and a lot of “production”, I’m happy to report, ITV definitely delivered.
However, it felt like an eternity before we finally got to see him, on Sunday.
It’s been 40 long minutes before we see Bez, dazzling in a watermelon-shaped crash helmet, descending cautiously from the ceiling of the ice rink, between two giant maracas, to the sound of Step On.
There are also dancing watermelon slices, plus puffs and a little interruption as Bez leaves the stall and finds her partner, Angela Egan.
But then he walked away, like Riff Raff’s one-legged cat trying to bury a patch of grass in a frozen pond.
As far as I can tell, a routine job with lots of danger but no real choreography, although I may have missed half a dozen flying teapot lifts due to the fact that I laughed a lot.
Of course, the very familiar rule here is that you improve any TV show by about 50%, just by adding a member of Happy Monday.
What if you also threw Shaun Ryder into an ice floating ship? You are talking almost 90%.
Viewers totally get this, thank goodness it means Bez – despite being 12 points short of the judging speed – made it through to the next round, to the delight and relief of both Holly and Phil.
Obviously there’s still a danger that ITV will go overboard with the joke, and an even bigger one is that all of the most boring people in the UK won’t get it and complain that ‘he ruined it. for the good skaters,” as if Bez had undermined the very principles of democracy and that the competition had never been a fair one to begin with.
Obviously not and neither does he.
At the right time when the country needs laughter, he is providing them with plenty.
So let’s soak the fun and Covid sponges. Bez to win.
RE: The Masked Singer, Joel Dommett: “You’re still my friends, aren’t you?” Still?
Control Ricky’s ego
After Life’s final series was neither as good nor as moving as Ricky Gervais clearly imagined it to be.
But then how can it reach those dizzying heights?
The man possessed such an extremely large and unattractive ego, I’m sure he had a grip on one. Afterlife subplot just to prove his prowess in tennis and table tennis.
A degree of pretentiousness befits the Kim dynasty’s rule of Korea more than a comedian.
The rest of the story, acting, and dialogue are similar and so disjointed, at times, that a few of the scarier characters, Brian and James, don’t seem to be on the same show.
However, it would be foolish and dishonest for me to remove After Life entirely, as I’ve watched a lot in just two episodes (BBC One’s Game Rules turned me 17) and didn’t see it. any real difficulty, as there are at least two scenes that are beyond the reach of any other current author of television satire, except Curb your enthusiasm Larry David.
The first is the coffee shop scene of episode three, which is about 12 minutes long, in which an exasperated Gervais states his obvious and sincere disgust for noisy parents engaging in childish chatter.
The chilling second season, episode four of Kath dates the excellent Tim Key, who plays a much more obnoxious human form and someone we’ve all met.
That passive-aggressive man or woman who considers his toxic, condescending personality, sympathizes with him, and completely despises the working class, all of which are neutralized by a smile of extreme smugness and in just four words.
“I read the Guardian.”
(After Life is available to watch on Netflix.)
MEANWHILE, host of The John Bishop Show admits: “In the meantime everyone is saying, ‘comedians will sit at home writing jokes. I can not. I live my life waiting until something happens.”
And wait. And wait. . .
Unexpected fools in the bagging field
Weakest Link, Romesh Ranganathan: “What is the 1974 novel by John Le Carre about intelligence agent George Smiley titled Tinker Tailor Soldier?”
Bianca Walkden: “Baby.”
Romesh Ranganathan: “In math, what is 48 plus 11?”
Lucy Beaumont: “48.”
Mastermind, Clive Myrie: “What’s the usual word for women?”
The Chase, Bradley Walsh: “Under which British monarch did Oscar Wilde live all his life?”
Random TV stimulation
ITV sounds terrible as it purports to continue with Oti Mabuse’s musical dating show Romeo & Duet.
BBC News covers shameful, hand-wringing, fallacious coverage of Britain’s newest Islamic terrorist leader Malik Faisal Akram.
The new Center Parcs ad completely kills Stevie Wonder For Once In My Life.
Around the World in 80 Days stops to teach us all about mental health.
And the scene of Sue Perkins disappearing into the woods, on an American Road Trip, with a toilet roll and a trowel, can only mean one thing.
Hitmen’s third series, coming soon.
Great Sports Insights
Robbie Savage: “The strikers will look at that and apply their lips.”
Paul Merson: “It was a worthy match to win any goal.”
Jay Bothroyd: “Football in Japan is, as you’d expect, really exciting”.
(Composited by Graham Wray)
Time to stop
On BBC1’s landmark series The Planets, Professor Brian Cox argues that the only effective way to stop time is to travel 48 million miles to the hot, lifeless planet of Mercury, which exists within The orbit is resonant with the sun, meaning it rotates exactly three times on its axis for every two orbits.
So if you walk slowly across its surface, at a steady two miles per hour, while keeping the sun at exactly the point “you will stop time and a day will never go by” .
Inference: Professor Brian Cox never tried the BBC1 drama Rules Of The Game.
A little olive oil
On which program will you hear the following: “I’m thinking of getting a really hot pan and putting in a little olive oil?”
ONE) Rick Stein brace yourself for seafood noodles on Saturday Kitchen Live?
B) The Adventures of Popeye?
SURPRISE, I just love to joke and tease the audience with a funny title.
But c’mon. . .
Romesh Ranganathan: Evade?
That’s impossible, right?
BBC2’s This Is Joan Collins.
BBC2’s Michaela Strachan ability tells Winterwatch viewers: “There’s never a beaver around when you want one, right?” without blinking.
Diane “Kath” Morgan plays all the other After Life regulars into the dining room.
And the landmark performance sent Bez straight to the second round of Dancing On Ice.
Even if it opens up the terrifyingly dim prospect of placing Shaun Ryder and Gazza in the same studio audience.
Good luck with that, ITV.
The look of the week
This week’s winners are New World Order comedians Susie McCabe and Earthy Mangold from Worzel Gummidge (you mean “a bit of a niche?”).
Emailed by Paul Burkett, Millwall.
Image Research: Amy Reading
https://www.the-sun.com/news/4508049/bez-star-dancing-on-ice/ Full of thrills and stomachaches but Bez is the star of Dancing On Ice